I have a love/hate relationship with technology. My television has no bells and whistles, and my iPad (a gift) has just a few apps. I'm more comfortable around the toaster and blender. But apps and gadgets are dominating our lives, and many use technology to track their workouts and daily kilojoule or calorie intake.
What is a kilojoule/calorie? Quite simply, it's a unit of energy. Our body needs energy to survive, but when you consume more than your body needs, you gain weight. And if you're making some naughty choices, you better be doing some damn hard exercise, or you'll need to loosen your belt for the kilos coming your way.
If you're regularly consuming any of these items, you might want to think about what I call "stripper food".
Energy drinks and a ciggie are what I call the breakfast of idiots. Let's skip the cigarettes and just look at the energy drink. Rockstar Punched (Energy + Guava) contains 1430kJ (342 calories) per can. Consume a can per day for a bit of an energy kick, and you'll need to burn off in excess of 15 cubes of sugar per day. That's the equivalent of skipping rope for almost two and half hours per week. If you haven't skipped rope, I dare you to try it for just two minutes – it's serious work.
Maybe you opt for a smoothie and a muffin to start your day. Choose wisely because combining an Original King William, Low-Fat Smoothie from Boost Juice with a muffin (about 1490kJ or 356 calories combined) is a major chunk of kilojoules. To burn it off, you better be ready to sweat your arse off in a high-intensity spin class for 72 minutes.
During the Olympics broadcast, McDonald's ran a plethora of ads with fit dancers twisting and turning in delight at the "That's Amore" menu. I've never seen fast food eaters so fit, who move, jump, and twirl with such dancing grace. Wow. The idea is to choose a value meal, then add two sides to save over 20 per cent – eat more, save more.
A Big Mac value meal with large fries and large Coke just isn't enough, right? Let's add a cheeseburger and apple pie, totalling almost 7050kJ (1700 calories) … that'll do it. That will also take an 80-kilogram individual four hours on a stationary rower with moderate effort to burn off.
Remember Pizza Hut's hot dog stuffed crust? They've upped the ante with "a cheeseburger in every slice", aka The Cheeseburger Crust. Gooey cheese, dough, tomato sauce, and various toppings isn't enough … when you get to the end of that greasy triangle, you can count on a round cheeseburger waiting to be eaten - geometry at its fattest. Consume a large pizza in a sitting and you're looking at more than four hours of training on the elliptical machine at moderate effort to burn off 7169kJ (1713 calories).
I tell clients to adopt a "Stripper Food" mentality. You don't have to go hungry, but instead take that high-calorie smoothie and strip it back to a green juice full of healthy ingredients. Strip that burger, and make it a healthy turkey burger with tomatoes and avocado on a single slice of rye bread. You can even strip the pizza by only having one-third of the total serve and filling up on a healthy spinach salad or vegetables.
Anyone for 'sexercise'?
Don't exercise and prefer some "sexercise"? According to Men's Health magazine's website, men burn 100 calories in the average sex session, and women burn 69 calories (there's a joke here, but I'm not going to be the one to say it). But guys, it will take 29 sessions of sex to burn off that cheeseburger pizza. More for you ladies.
Forewarn your partner; or if you're single, you better join Warney and head straight to Tinder.
Or you could ignore all the numbers and keep your diet fresh, healthy and tasty. You don't ever need to count the calories in a steak and veggie meal or Tassie salmon on top of a spinach salad if you're moving your body, getting in ample amounts of water, and laying off the sugary snacks each day. That's my aim; and I don't need an app to help me with it.
It makes those two glasses of red in the evening (912kJ/218 calories) just a bit more enjoyable.
What do you do to negate the naughty calories?
(Thanks to Calorieking.com.au for the kJ/calorie info and bupa.com.au for the calories burned info.)