It would be shockingly irresponsible of me to encourage you to throw a sickie today. But the fact remains, a lot of you will be staying indoors, sleeping off the ravages of a lingering Australia Day. How many? Employers are expecting to see a jump of 42 per cent compared to the average, with a cost to the national economy of some $54 million.
Of course, if you want to stay home (or go to the beach), you should take annual leave. Prepared at least a week in advance. However, if you are going to throw a sickie, you should at least come up with a half-way plausible excuse that will satisfy the boss.
Here are nine of the best excuses for staying on the couch today:
My grandmother passed away
Yes, it's an oldy but it's a goody. No boss would begrudge you staying home to mourn the woman who crocheted you jumpers and told you endless stories about Robert Menzies. The main problem with this excuse is if you've used it before, and your boss figures out your granny also died four times in 2016.
I'm having a liver-aware day
Make it sound serious, like your life depends on it. Use a yellow filter and upload an image of your jaundiced face on social media. The only danger is that your boss may assume you've been hitting the tiles too hard.
I'm working from home today
A great excuse, and one that anyone with remote access to office files has used when they just want to chillax and watch daytime TV. Not advisable for surgeons, police officers and sheet-metal workers. The secret to pulling this one off is not to be caught in the background of any TV news broadcasts that happen to be shot at Bondi, St Kilda, or a racetrack.
I have to do jury duty
Perfect! And if your boss asks you about the case, you can make as if to 'lock your lips with a key'. Matter of fact, you might be able to drag this one out for several days and return to work the following week. Cut it short if your boss begins to suspect that you may be the actual defendant.
I need to take my Pug to the emergency vet
Use of the word 'emergency' presses home the gravity of the situation. And everyone loves a Pug; the urban professional's dog of the moment. If you are intending on using this excuse, it's best to have cute Pug images plastered around your office (even if you don't actually own a dog). And when you are ready for another day off, you can always pretend poor little Pugster has died.
My car broke down
More believable if you drive a one-year-old Holden Commodore, or a Volkswagen.
I am expressing my religion
No boss alive would chastise a worker over a spiritual observance, for fear of being sued. This one works well if you are a Catholic, because they have a load of religious days to choose from. As a matter of fact, today just happens to be a Memorial Day for Saint Angela Merici. As she was a 15th century educator, it's only fitting you should stay home and read some books on her life.
I was attacked by bogans on Australia Day
Definitely believable, especially if you live in the suburbs and don't own an Aussie flag BBQ apron, a Skitzmix CD, or a ute with the Southern Cross on the rear window. Your boss will sympathise when you tell him/her that you were hospitalised by Ayden, Bayden and Brock because you refused to sing the chorus of Run to Paradise.
The rock solid faithful of any sickie-chucker, inferring deeply gross symptoms will be enough for any manager to insist you stay away and avoid infecting the team.
I have a hangover: At least your boss will admire your honesty.
What excuse will you be using to get out of work? Tell us in the comments section below.